Overcoming Miscarriage or Pregnancy Loss in New Jersey

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Life is precious at all stages from conception onward, and mourning a pregnancy loss or miscarriage is no less intense or even debilitating than mourning other losses in your life. I know this because I am part of the nearly 25% of women who have suffered a loss during pregnancy.  

My husband and I conceived our first child in April 2015. Sadly, that pregnancy ended at only 3-4 weeks gestation, so you can imagine our excitement when we found out the following month that we conceived again. We were nervous about the whole process since our first experience was so disappointing, but eventually we hit the 12-week mark and we were overjoyed to share the news with our friends and family. Everything seemed fine. I was sick, and everyone told me such symptoms were a nuisance, but normal. Every test we had done came back fine and we finally breathed a sigh of relief once we were well into the second trimester.

At week 16 I went in for my AFP blood work which tests for any open neural tube deficiencies such as Spina Bifida. I received a call from my doctor soon after the screening advising me to see a specialist; some results had come back abnormal. I wasn’t worried. I had heard these tests often presented false positive outcomes so I just made an appointment and went out with my routine.

The day of the appointment I felt strange; not nervous, but I think my intuition anticipated something I couldn’t quite understand. We met with the ultrasound tech who said she “saw some things” and when the doctor came in he confirmed what my gut had been nagging me about all along: The baby wasn’t viable.

“She has a condition called anencephaly,” he said gravely. “The prognosis for survival after birth is zero percent.”

I was shocked. I was ready to deal with a birth defect, or a functional issue, but this? The specialist gave us the number of the only doctor in our region who could perform such procedures as we were about to encounter and he sent us on our way with his condolences.  

The whirlwind of doctors appointments, conversations, tears, and paperwork revved fiercely for the next 3 days. That’s all it took to prep for and perform a D & E. Months of housing my daughter, and only 3 days for her eviction.

When everything was over I was left empty and confused, yet in fine physical condition. I didn’t know where to turn. I went on the internet and searched “anencephaly” and located some resources, but mostly it was just information about the defect, not ways to overcome my deep grief. I felt as though no one else had ever gone through something like this, but that was far from the truth.  

I know now that there are a lot of resources out there for mothers and families who suffer from pregnancy and infant loss. Some are a click away, and some a drive, but in the end you have to determine what works for you.

Ultimately, there is no one way to deal with your grief when it comes to losing your child–whether it be during pregnancy or after–but know that you are not alone and more so, know that every pregnancy–no matter its duration–comes to an end with the birth of an angel.

Here are some great miscarriage resources in New Jersey:


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About Author

Lindsay lives in Point Pleasant with her husband, Greg, and their three dogs, Kalani, Carl, and Willy. She earned her BS in English and her Masters of Art in Teaching at The College of New Jersey.. She was a teacher of the Deaf for five years, and now teaches English and Language Arts. Lindsay is passionate about teaching and education, and truly loves her job working with high school students. You can find her at Vive Fitness in Point Pleasant Beach working out at least five days a week - three of those days in spin class, or walking the Spring Lake and Belmar boardwalks. She also enjoys walking the Brick and Manasquan Reservoirs with her husband and pups. Her dinner time indulgences include Jane’s Jawbuster at Frankies in Point Pleasant and anything at Harpoon Willy’s in Brielle. Sunday mornings you can find her and her hubby at The Cookie Lady Cafe in Point Pleasant; despite the name she swears they have many healthy options for breakfast. You can read more on her education blog at https://theeducationconversation.wordpress.com/.

5 Comments

  1. I grew up in Point Pleasant, I currently live in Connecticut. I just saw someone post this on Facebook. I am coming up on the Anniversary of losing my daughter, Rosemary Nell, February 14, 2009. I was pregnant with her, after a miscarriage, and found our she had sever spina bifida. I’m so sorry for anyone who has to go through this pain.

    • Corialb, thank you for sharing your personal story. Our hearts go out to you and all of the mothers and fathers who have experienced this pain.

    • Corialb, I grew up in Wall Township and found my way here to Point Pleasant after I met my now-husband Greg. This community has been wonderful not only in this time of difficulty but since I settled here long before. It’s astounding how similar our stories are. Raelyn Kathleen’s due date was supposed to be the 14th of February. It has been a tough road for us since September, but hearing stories like yours from you and others since the publication of this article has been such a comfort. My goal is to help eliminate the stigma that women feel about pregnancy and infant loss–especially the negative feelings attached to “therapeutic abortions”. We hear abortion and automatically think “choice” but that’s not always the case. I want to teach moms and dads that it’s okay to talk about this if they feel that they need to…and that our choices as mothers and fathers are no always easy ones. Thanks again for sharing your story. It is beautiful and comforting. I hope other mommies and daddies of angel babies read it as well.

  2. Lindsay, I am so sorry for your loss. It makes such a difference when stories such as these are shared. I lost my first child at 35 weeks seven years ago. Its such a long, difficult journey. I live in Northern NJ and myself, along with two other women who have suffered losses, are creating a support group and non-profit in our area for those who have experienced a pregnancy loss. If you’d like to connect, please email me at ejtruxillo@gmail.com. I hope to hear from and know that my thoughts are with you.

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